We’re back! We know it’s been a very long time since we’ve updated on here. It’s not because the work is unimportant or that it is going undone. In fact, it’s because we’ve been trying to navigate this complicated world of faith and justice and all that that entails. We thank you for your patience during our time of silence, and for your willingness to join us again as we continue on this journey together.
It is fitting that we are back on here in November – this month during which many focus on gratitude. And right now, as we are surrounded by chaos and unknown, we will strive to remain focused on that for which we are truly grateful.
I think this is a good time to acknowledge that, while accurate, sometimes the message(s) that we get from the church during times of adversity and pain can feel like empty platitudes. And yet…God meets us where we are, gives us space to feel all the emotions, and loves us unconditionally. I’m grateful that this is the example I have as I journey through this life of parenting.
I have 2 young-ish children at home and I wish that I could protect them from all forms of pain. When my kids were very young their pain tended to be physical – a scraped knee or a bump on the head. A quick hug, kiss and some ice water did the trick and they were on their way. As they’ve gotten older, the pain has become more diverse. There are still moments they fall off their bikes or get scrapes while climbing trees, but their pain experiences have expanded beyond what a quick hug and kiss can fix. They have known hurt and betrayal from friends and people they’ve trusted. They’ve had moments when they’ve been intentionally excluded from events. And they’ve heard harmful messages that can’t be taken back. This pain feels so much more intense, so much deeper. And I wish, sometimes with all that I am, that I could take it away, that I could intervene and protect them from it all. But I know that I can’t, and with this pain comes learning, about themselves and the world around them. Lessons about in whom we can put our trust and how our words can never be taken back no matter how much we wish they could be. They’ve learned about grief and abandonment and betrayal.
As a parent, what do you do when you cannot fix it? How do you respond? What do you do when you are still learning and growing as a parent and feel the pain of your child – which is so much worse than if the same experience happened to you? Through it all, when there are no words to fix it, no actions to be taken I find myself just being present, sitting in the pain. Sometimes that pain is expressed verbally and sometimes physically and other times through silence and tears. Yet regardless of how they are expressing their hurt, I want them to know they are not alone, that their feelings are valid, and that they have a safe person to walk this journey together. I want them to remember that they are loved always and forever no matter what.
How do I know this is how to respond? Because it is the same thing that God has promised us. It is a beautiful reality that what helps during the painful moments of life is exactly what God has promised us. God is near us during our pain (Ps. 34:18). He is our refuge, strength and safety (Ps. 46:1; Prov. 18:10). God listens when we cry out in pain or sorrow or confusion (Ps. 34:15). And God is with us through it all (Isa. 43:2; Heb. 13:5).
So, what am I grateful for? I’m grateful that God has given me a roadmap of how to love and care for others, starting with my children. I am grateful that he knows my pain and hurt, that He can hold any emotion I feel, and that he will always love me unconditionally. Because this world is broken. And I am so far from perfection. And yet, He chooses to stay with me and guide me and love me.
I pray today, regardless of how you are celebrating (or not) Thanksgiving, that you would feel God’s love and presence in your life. I pray that you would know comfort and peace. I pray that through the tears and shouts and boundaries that you implement, you know that you will not be left or forsaken. God is with you and will not leave you. He can carry the burden. He loves you always, forever, no matter what.